conver with him this afternoon

men never treause for what they hav... always feel proud if got other girl love them although married. Some girl just cheap..like to destroy other girl family..simply enjoy the win feeling.

+meme+ says:
u sure u get ready to married me?
+meme+ says:
coz u still using other account chit chat with other girl ooo..using ur 2nd pc ..
+himhim: says:
why u say that?? i hav no chat also
+meme+ says:
2 month ago..the apply incident..i not yet ask u why still janjan
+meme+ says:
apple
+meme+ says:
i only get my answer last nite..why i no confident in our marriage. coz u keep repeat ur bad habit
+meme+ says:
i know u will burst if i told u this.. tat why last nite didn't tell u my feeling.
+meme+ says:
i am searching for this answer for q long ady... last nite only i know not bcus i not love u..just ur repeat mistake coz me think another way
+himhim: says:
wat last night?
+meme+ says:
this few day i keep tihnking way i like no confident in our marriage actually..tat cause my low morale
+meme+ says:
but last nite i got the answer lor
+himhim: says:
what answer?
+meme+ says:
i am searching for this answer for q long ady... last nite only i know not bcus i not love u..just ur repeat mistake coz me think another way
+himhim: says:
not UN
+meme+ says:
if ur bad habit never change..no point we marriage..coz will divorve one day
+meme+ says:
coz u enjoy knowing other girl ..by hiding from me.. using ur second pc chit chat..and hiding the screen..
+himhim: says:
when???
+meme+ says:
apple incident really turn me really down..but i keep to myself for few weeks
+meme+ says:
tat 2month ago.
+meme+ says:
meaning u still repeating ur mistake again n again.
+himhim: says:
...
+meme+ says:
+him+ says:
after read ur blog found tat i very stupid on pass
more understand u, feel so sorry and regret to hurt u again n again
+meme+ says:
but 2 month ago..u still using other id knowing other girl..
+meme+ says:
very scare ooo
+himhim: says:
who is him?
+meme+ says:
oh..godness..u forget this is ur sentence u send me 2007 april
+meme+ says:
meaning u never keep ur promise type.
+himhim: says:
WTF apple...did u finish the T6 product??
+meme+ says:
i am doing it..
+meme+ says:
yea..i am rite..u are burst
+meme+ says:
end then
+meme+ says:
bye

finally i find a answer i longing for few weeks.

Last night, still thinking why I refuse to put on the ring he gave me last year feb. I finally got the answer. The answer is lack of confident in this relationship.
Bcuse 2month ago, I reliaze he stil using janjan account to chit chat with other girl. I am lost, I don’t know what will I become in the future, I don’t wish become a monster…I just want to be a good wife. Have a happy and peace family.
I don’t want end up divorce. Because is really make myself look silly..Because god show me his real face for few times, I still back with him and believe in his promise and wording.
Just hope he don’t make I look so silly in future.

why i refuse to step in to marriage life after 11years together with him..

Simply weird feeling … I have the uneasy feeling toward him again.

27 july 2008 he msn with secret girl friend?

from his pc, i saw him messenging with someone, while i went over he close the window and act innocent... i know he good in acting. i just hold my sadly and keep silent.

feel ashame for myself

how many time i told myself to leave him
how many time i told he lie to me
how many time i told he hurt me
how many time i crying because of i feel hurt and sad

how long to go..

i hold my mind

he still using janjanxtra to keep in touch with other girl :( why can he again and again cheat me without feel bad.

i feel very upsad for almost 2 weeks..i never let him know about my feeling being cheated and cheated again..i only know i need a break and i wan to run away from his life...

buy me ring for empty promise...

buy house still thinking of other girl..really sad.

totally lost confident

after 3days of cold war..this was the 1st time i feel tired to talk to him, and manage to ignore him for 3days and night. because i just reliaze i no longer trust him, and i hate empty promises. so i choose to be silent.

i will plan my own path after the trip to his hometown by mid of may.
i changed i notice myself..calm to face it.
i no longer a happy person like last time. i hide a lot of my feeling and story.

attitude cause the problem

together for 11years

never bear anything for me

never request for any fancy and branded thing

never ask allowence like other girl do

what makes me stay on is i love him.

what makes me leave is because his bad attitude.

i cannot take it anymore... he never appreciate me at all. maybe out there too easy to get pretty girl that he like. i just a goods for him. he won't give up others.

silly me. again get hurt.

i shall feel upsad

gil told infront both of us...if i go thailand i will feel very upsad and "zi pei" because all the thai girl very slim ooo :(meaning i very fat.

maybe that the reason he not sincere to me.

i not his perfect gf. fat.

i will leave malaysia in this month.

i plan to leave malaysia around end of may, to oversea, to a place no one know me and start my new life without him.

i won't let anyone know where i going for at least 1month. after i plan properly my future path.

thanks for everyone who always care and love me. and good bye to him.

he will happy without me because no need play hide and seek for wooing other girls, get a brand new pretty young girl friend.

i need to be independant! good luck myself.

client

yesterday had meeting with a client, during the meeting, his face so unhappy because client not satisfied with his work. but from my point of view, client have right to critic.

today i meeting with him about the dateline of the project, but he told me he don't know when is the dateline... and he just walk away with rude face.

enough is enough.tired.

leave it or take it

cold like ice

because i reliaze that he will never keep his promise that he promise me year august 2006.

and i wake up finally, he will never change. he still like to hurt me in wooing other girls.

time to leave it or take it.

my answer is * **** ****** **.

3rd party

"a relationship that got 3rd party is bcuz the relationship is ALREADY got problem, then only will have 3rd party"meaning our relationship got problem before ws existed.

maybe is right time we face this problem.

i feel tired.

Tired . Scared . Want

Tired the way we quarrel, cold like ice, turn his back to me.
Tired the way he driving, the way he hons, the speed.
Tired the way he never appreciare what he have love, care, friend, client, car, camera.. so on. Lost count.
Tired fine out again he lie to me.
Tired been betray again and again.
Tired of empty promise and waiting..”I only wish a simple wedding and simple house, but he is the one who want the granted wedding dinner, expensive house. Like to show off to friend.”

Scared
Scared the way we quarrel, the punch the kick he did to me. The pain always planted in my heart.
Scared to see he lie again to me.
scare he again tell me, he love her, and don’t know how to choose either me or her.

Want
I want to be like last time, when quarrel he will pamper me like baby.
I want the truth of him, real him.
I want he treat me the same way how I treat him.. I never let him down. Treasure and sincere.
I want to have a car.
I just want a kancil or kelisa..but he said will get me suzuki swift end of year 2007.

never trust me ?

long run relationship is really tough, especially when you man never trust you no matter how you honest and behave good.

i not sad because i can't attend the party, i not a party animal, i dun like stay late, i dun drink, i dun smoke...

i feel sad and very hurt, is what he said....he not trust me.i just get to know the girls party will have man to attend...

i just a guest... i never hide. i disclose everything..because i hate misunderstanding.

tired. crying.

request

can i request company to pay for my insurance installment?

can i request company to buy a small car for me?

can i request slight higher salary since the house without my name although is all pay buy company?

mood swing..

how can i get rid of mood swing since 5pm today.. i hate this feeling.
I should do something..i feel insecure for my future.
I really broke. badly broke. help pls... anyone ever step on my foot and think for me..
company money all pay to their expenses and loan. and why i don't deserve any?

i really wish to own a car.

i know i shouldn't have this feeling.. sorry

Life always up and down.. we plan to getting a new house. Really a good news to us. We been longing to have a landed house for many year.. finally we make it. What a coincident, when we about to hand in the deposit, another agent also just get this deal and about to sign it. Sign..

During the purchase, I very saD, I been working here for 6 years, I don’t have money to own my car, do income tax :(This house is expensive, I know I have no right to had my name in it, but I just feel very upsad just don’t know why, I know I shouldn’t have this feeling. But when think they do all their install all also using company money, that why we all get low pay. But I even need to pay my own insurance and more, and company never install any money on me.

I feel shame, why my age still no income tax, why his sister want to ask me infront of the banker, you don’t have income tax? Can I answer..ya..my pay no need.Feel very upsad.. all these year my account still less than rm5k. cry.. sob sobsorry... i know is my own problem.

"V" day

Happy Valentine to myselfNo celebration no gift no sweet word, just a had dinner and catch a movie.

ouch..why pain again?

they day he punch my stomach very hard... i pain for few days.. but very weird, last night again feel the pain... :(

Guide needed most

Maybe is because she is news, seems like hot cakes in the office, everyone would want to pamper her would want her attention.My boss also willing to pay more attention to her, willing to guide for for 3-4 years a days without feel tired or complainining, but to guide other seems slow and try cut short the time too. Life never fair to everyone, so we must learn to give and take. That’s life. Nothing is big deal.

Chinese New Year soon… nothing much special for me, maybe is financial cause all these, everytime see my account amount, my heart seems like insecure. Guess I need more freelance to make my account look for secure..haha..

AFFAIR in 3days

Year ago..affair happen among and colleaguesThis year again happen, this new girl before she join my company, she been talk and share a lot of thing we me, how nice her bf treat her, how great is him… but after she start working less than 3 days, she fall in love with one of my colleague.
And the girl start to brain wash me and other lady colleagues, how bad how cruel is her current attached bf… they been together for 1 year plus.. why thing can change so sudden? Or we should take it so serious in any relationship?Sigh.. feel bad for her bf. How can someone change out of sudden.
WONDER HOW?

Punch me like a mad dog

Getting more violent, the punch make my stomach pain for 3-4days. My heart again tearing apart by him.
Really painful..but I can’t tell anyone..what I can do is cry alone and hide my pain.

I really hurt and pain. sob sob ***