my heart broken badly...

Now is 12.35am 17 May 2006
You are boarding soon to Beijing. How wish I can go with you can have great moment with you. My heart feel regret to decide not to go with you and let other to go with you instead. Too bad, I can’t make the changes, all fix and confirm.
The day I decide not to go with you is because I want you to have your own space while you at China to think why you bear to hurt me so bad.
Until today, I still live in unhappy day. My heart is bleeding, and hardly trusts you. I hope all this never happen. I still so pure minded and sweet thinking that you will only be love me. 8 March 2008, you broke all my trust to you. I always sincere and faithful to you. Never think of hurt you. Care about your feeling. Why? Reason to show how much I love you.
10 years, really a long journey, is not easy to build and maintain such sweet and lovely relationship. Frankly, I really happy to have you with me all the time. I know how much you love me. But too bad, you can place few girl in your heart, this is unfair to me. I know love is never ever fair before. At least you care about my feeling. How will I react and feel if I get to know this entire ugly thing that you hide from me.
As I told you, girls sure enjoy being woo by man. This is not because she likes them, just to make her more confident. Except I let them simply touch me or.. then I can say this girl is bitch. So far, I never let any guy simply touch me, because I so kampong thinking, I belongs to you, I want you to be my last man in my life. And most important is I care about your feeling too.
The world is so big, internet is even bigger. Temptation is everywhere. We can simply get to know a pretty young sexy lady online. But why you take the first step to get to know them and ring then and even dating with them. This is unfaithful and insincere toward your love one.
I still remember, how excited when I back to KL to helping you in your business. You have no money, we all with low pay. I OK, I never calculate on all this. To me, I know can see you everyday is very happy already. But until she came into your life, I suddenly think why I so silly, never think of myself. Why always think about your future. These 4 years I only manage to save less then RM5000, I dare not to tell anyone. I really silly all these years.
My birthday on 9th , we had a wonderful dinner at jogoya. I feel I like a queen that night, you make me feel special. But 14 may, because of waiting for me at California, you beat me, I after gym, my leg almost no energy, you pull me so hard. My hand get bruise and I got headache straight away, maybe because I got shock when you pull me so hard. My heart hurt again. This is not the 1 or 2 times u beat me. You never change your bad temper. You hurt me again and again. I keep thinking why you bear to do this to me. If to her will you so cruel to her. If she let you wait for 1hour will you shout at her? I not a girl who always let anyone wait for me. Just once, I get beat. This is really hurt. I feel so scare of you that day. And feel like just run away. But again, I don’t want other people know we are quarrel. Because you will get more fierce and make me more shame infront of other people, reason you selfish and never care about my feeling.
I am 28 years old, we start our relationship when I am 19. You start to compare me to younger lady, that why you start online searching. Why? I feel so bad. I am crying now while typing this email. I feel so hurt.
I don’t know when will this happen again? I feel so scare. My love to you is 100%, but you are not. I no more youth. I have no money, I have nothing. I just too silly, all this ending is because I choose to stay together with you, live together with you. Maybe this is punishment from god toward me. Before marriage cannot stay together. I really learn the lesson. I painful lesson.
YOU HURT ME TO BAD. I wish I never know you. I wish I just 23years old. I wish …
YOU BREAK ALL MY TRUST, LOVE toward you.
You make me feel I am so silly to trust you.
My tear so hard to stop. You not with me now. I really miss you. Goodnight.
END 1.09am

fighting?

today evening, someone park his car park..so he report to the guard.. to me it is just a small matter. but he taking it a BIG SUPER BIG problem. He quarrel with the taxi man who park his car park, more worst, he wanna beat the taxi man... OH my god...why he so suckss.. i so disapointed with his STUPID action.

To me it is not worth a cent to fight or quarrel for such a small tiny matter..

I shout at him and said::" Oh my god, you stay here, you have nice car, I don't think is worth it to do so". but his stubburn head just can't absorb anything I talk to him at that moment. I feel so shame to him and very disapointed with him.

Lucky his mom around else I don't know what will happen to him. I love him, but he just again n again repeat the same mistake.

After an hours, he told me that today he very stress and tired.. i don't think this is good excuse.

Please learn how to control your bad temper..you make ppl around who love you worry about you.

ray's cousin

he still using fake friendster ID ?
Can I trust him once again?He told me is old account.
He still keep on searching his next gf?
Or just a misunderstanding?

i suspect he call jainey

last night 5 sept 2006. While I watching TV at the living room.. i suspect he call jainey. jainey is one of his online friend.Sigh..i feel so suffer....

i hope just my wild guess...i don't want get hurt again by him.PLEASE..