Glad tat WS no longer my concern..but

I suddenly realise that WS no longer my concern. This is a great thing to me.But lately we both busy and stress... with abundant of task to complete.

Last night I was extremely tired. Comment..monthly autie visit mar... but he busy with his task, so I just be his sweet kitten and patiently waiting for him till 1.30am then only we went home. After reach home, he wanna get shower 1st, so I let him be first. After he completed, of course my turn, after my shower, he is playing game on his phone.

While he half way playing the game, I request, can you help me to do some massage to my poor tired leg...he answer..OK later. That moment, I feel so happy.This answer actually cause me a disapointment with his empty promise again. After playing his game, he simply act blur and want to sleep, so I request again..he said he tired.

TIRED..but play game for 30mins...tired with his empty promise... should we carry on...Action is more important than word. I need someone who can really cares n loves me... I feel I lack of concern sometimes...

The feeling back to me again...help me please.

I start to guessing him again. With all this tiny little move.

1) disable mobile sent item
2) cover the glass
3) close window in sec
4) his sucks attitude

Conclusion: I feel so tired in this relationship. Should I move or stay.I feel I love him more than he love me. To him I just a gf.

Not more than that.He always hang around with people who younger than him. Maybe that why he still not learn how to appreciate what he have.

Feel like just go far far away. Maybe I can be more happy without him. Let him enjoy again his single life.I am tired and very disappointed.

let me down again

he use to start comparing me with her. I look mature then him, bigger size then him. He feel I no longer compatible with him. But after the ws incident, he start to realize that I am stand an important role in his life. Everyone make mistake. He told me he just fool around not meant to hurt me so deep. And promise won't happen again. As I take a few month to recover and back to normal, no more shed my tear night and day bcus of him.We in love with each other again. I will trying my best to make myself look more compatible with him. I wish he will appreciate it and dun again hurt me.Lately I start to lose self confident. I feel I not compatible with him, he look young, talented, big car, cool office. He deserve a better, younger and prettier gf. I start to think, am I just a burden for him to carry along because of we been together for 10 years. I love him more than myself, everyone know. How I care and love him.But he always make me feel he hidden a lot of thing from me. He is expert in computer thing. Beyond my control to learn about his real face.I just wish my decision dun let me down again.. I may choose to commit sucide to end of painful lesson again.My love pls appreciate, and I will always love you..forver n ever.

my heart broken badly...

Now is 12.35am 17 May 2006
You are boarding soon to Beijing. How wish I can go with you can have great moment with you. My heart feel regret to decide not to go with you and let other to go with you instead. Too bad, I can’t make the changes, all fix and confirm.
The day I decide not to go with you is because I want you to have your own space while you at China to think why you bear to hurt me so bad.
Until today, I still live in unhappy day. My heart is bleeding, and hardly trusts you. I hope all this never happen. I still so pure minded and sweet thinking that you will only be love me. 8 March 2008, you broke all my trust to you. I always sincere and faithful to you. Never think of hurt you. Care about your feeling. Why? Reason to show how much I love you.
10 years, really a long journey, is not easy to build and maintain such sweet and lovely relationship. Frankly, I really happy to have you with me all the time. I know how much you love me. But too bad, you can place few girl in your heart, this is unfair to me. I know love is never ever fair before. At least you care about my feeling. How will I react and feel if I get to know this entire ugly thing that you hide from me.
As I told you, girls sure enjoy being woo by man. This is not because she likes them, just to make her more confident. Except I let them simply touch me or.. then I can say this girl is bitch. So far, I never let any guy simply touch me, because I so kampong thinking, I belongs to you, I want you to be my last man in my life. And most important is I care about your feeling too.
The world is so big, internet is even bigger. Temptation is everywhere. We can simply get to know a pretty young sexy lady online. But why you take the first step to get to know them and ring then and even dating with them. This is unfaithful and insincere toward your love one.
I still remember, how excited when I back to KL to helping you in your business. You have no money, we all with low pay. I OK, I never calculate on all this. To me, I know can see you everyday is very happy already. But until she came into your life, I suddenly think why I so silly, never think of myself. Why always think about your future. These 4 years I only manage to save less then RM5000, I dare not to tell anyone. I really silly all these years.
My birthday on 9th , we had a wonderful dinner at jogoya. I feel I like a queen that night, you make me feel special. But 14 may, because of waiting for me at California, you beat me, I after gym, my leg almost no energy, you pull me so hard. My hand get bruise and I got headache straight away, maybe because I got shock when you pull me so hard. My heart hurt again. This is not the 1 or 2 times u beat me. You never change your bad temper. You hurt me again and again. I keep thinking why you bear to do this to me. If to her will you so cruel to her. If she let you wait for 1hour will you shout at her? I not a girl who always let anyone wait for me. Just once, I get beat. This is really hurt. I feel so scare of you that day. And feel like just run away. But again, I don’t want other people know we are quarrel. Because you will get more fierce and make me more shame infront of other people, reason you selfish and never care about my feeling.
I am 28 years old, we start our relationship when I am 19. You start to compare me to younger lady, that why you start online searching. Why? I feel so bad. I am crying now while typing this email. I feel so hurt.
I don’t know when will this happen again? I feel so scare. My love to you is 100%, but you are not. I no more youth. I have no money, I have nothing. I just too silly, all this ending is because I choose to stay together with you, live together with you. Maybe this is punishment from god toward me. Before marriage cannot stay together. I really learn the lesson. I painful lesson.
YOU HURT ME TO BAD. I wish I never know you. I wish I just 23years old. I wish …
YOU BREAK ALL MY TRUST, LOVE toward you.
You make me feel I am so silly to trust you.
My tear so hard to stop. You not with me now. I really miss you. Goodnight.
END 1.09am

fighting?

today evening, someone park his car park..so he report to the guard.. to me it is just a small matter. but he taking it a BIG SUPER BIG problem. He quarrel with the taxi man who park his car park, more worst, he wanna beat the taxi man... OH my god...why he so suckss.. i so disapointed with his STUPID action.

To me it is not worth a cent to fight or quarrel for such a small tiny matter..

I shout at him and said::" Oh my god, you stay here, you have nice car, I don't think is worth it to do so". but his stubburn head just can't absorb anything I talk to him at that moment. I feel so shame to him and very disapointed with him.

Lucky his mom around else I don't know what will happen to him. I love him, but he just again n again repeat the same mistake.

After an hours, he told me that today he very stress and tired.. i don't think this is good excuse.

Please learn how to control your bad temper..you make ppl around who love you worry about you.

ray's cousin

he still using fake friendster ID ?
Can I trust him once again?He told me is old account.
He still keep on searching his next gf?
Or just a misunderstanding?

i suspect he call jainey

last night 5 sept 2006. While I watching TV at the living room.. i suspect he call jainey. jainey is one of his online friend.Sigh..i feel so suffer....

i hope just my wild guess...i don't want get hurt again by him.PLEASE..

only my day dream all the while..

to him i just someone he hired in low pay..yet must with excellent service.

He never care about how I feel when he do anything.

What I help and did, he never appreciate.I am silly girl. Sometimes I hope I die out of sudden actually.. so I have no worry, crying.. I won't commit suicide.

Life is not as you wish all the time... will I regret what I did all the while..

shout at me?

huh... ask him will tonight stay or back home. I patiently wait for his answer,,5mins over.. I re-asked again..he still not answer. So I wait for few 10mins again.. then I reasked again, you shout at me "go back lar"..WTF. Why can he so rude to me!

Everyone have their own stress.. but pls don't always show me your suck temper. I hate it. Now already, 11.44pm.. What for?

I wonder............. miserable...

he not feeling well

today he not feeling, having sore throat. poor thing.

take good care my darling.i wish to cook a lovely porridge for him..too bad not much ingredient here.

shanghai?

today, D invite me to go shanghai with his mom. I wish I can explore the big city...but wonder

my boyfriend will allow or not....my bf trust me. Because this is not the first time I travel with D. D a gentlement. So I trust him as well...he not even dare to touch my hair..haha.. = )

But deep in my heart..I wish I can travel around with someone I love... really in love. So my bf is the one =)

My love to him is forever.... : darling, please keep your promise.

empty promise

their promise me to me never fullfill.... sometimes i feel i am super silly, sacrafic so much but what i get is nothing... only make him and his family piss off..

he never fight for my benefit.

till now still low pay.. i can't afford a Myvi either. I still need to pay my insurance, for my family, self maintain product.. skincare sometimes really killing me, small bottle cost me RM300... sigh.. money money money..

i am getting old.... i think money is also getting more important for me.without money where is security..

lack of communication

this few days..both of us extremely busy..

not much talking to each other.. he always serious in his work. so I try not to disturb him, all I can do is when he feel starving, i happy n willing to prepare some simple food for him to fill his big stomach :) . I love cooking.

Hope after this project, we can spend some quality time together. escape urban life..go to the place where we seldom or never visit...i hope. :)

none of my business

today the lcd tv technician here...tv got problem..like i own it.. any problem all i kena first! then he scold at me somemore...

he lie to me again

today my bf lie to me again.he called her again on 3 June 2006 :( he has affair with a girl, call WS. I find out on march... but he choose to back to me... and i take a looong time to accept the truth... and i forgive him. he promise will never happen again.. he will only focus in his career and take care of me.. i trust his word.i not sure my decision will make me regret one more time.. sometimes need someone to advice me..sigh..very sad... long run relationship..is tough..

my conversation with bf on 31 july 2006

You suffer from my over react attitude. I suffer from being betrayed by you. I understand your feeling. I hope I can get well 100%, and bring back my trust toward you. It’s not easy. Do you know? I really trying very hard. I know I not yet 100% recover from the deep cut. Now I always ask myself to trust you, because you promise that it won’t happen again, you will learn to more appreciate me and won’t ever hurt me again. I am trying to cure myself but you must help me. I can’t do it alone.

meme says:do u think sincere n faithful to you is worth? just answer YES or NO.
abc says:YES
meme says:will u sincere n faithful to me after that incident?
meme says:just answer YES or NO
abc says:YES
meme says:ok
abc says:interesting
meme says:wat so interesting?
abc says:so easy pick : )
meme says:ic..u score high mark
abc says:good
meme says:+oil for our future.
meme says:our future home sweet home.
abc says:yes
abc says:this i promise u
meme says:tq. i hope we have happy ending.
abc says:: )